From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
