R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
