I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
