I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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