just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
