i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
