I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
