I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
