Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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