I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
