oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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