wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
