it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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