i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
