Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
