why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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