You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
