Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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