remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
