hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
