That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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