also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
