I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
