guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
