And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
