If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
