I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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