Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
