i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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