Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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