If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
