It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish you could order shots online.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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