even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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