I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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