So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
