Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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