Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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