so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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