So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
