i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
