I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
