I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
