Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
