This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Even my vagina gasped.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
