'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
