What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
