I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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