now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
