i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
