i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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