Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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