i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
