I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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