I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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