we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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