the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
